For the past few months we have been getting emails from a guy calling himself "Commander Rob". He's a well-meaning guy that really wanted to make a movie starring himself. Unfortunately, even though we are in the movie business, it doesn't mean that we can make movies and the Commander didn't seem to understand that. After some relentless bugging we finally made him his movie. Here's some of the emails that Rob has sent to us:



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To whom it may concern,



My name is Rob. I want to make a movie. I hear you guys are into making movies 

and I need your help. I have written many many scripts and don't know how to 

turn them into movies. Can you please help me?



Here's some of my web pages:

  http://www.myspace.com/RobCommander

  http://commanderriker.bravehost.com/



Thanks,

Rob.



P.S. Please find attached a really cool script that I wrote a few weeks ago.





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To whom it may concern again,



Sorry I forgot to attach the script. Here it is LOL



Rob




By the way, here's the script: Shore Leave. This shows the "quality" of work that we were receiving.



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Dear Rob,



Thank you for your very entertaining script, it was very....interesting. I 

especially like the part about the "laser man". I appreciate that you would 

want to get such a fantastic masterpiece turned into a true film. However, 

my friend and I only work in a CG studio as programmers, and in fact, have 

no input into what type of films get made. Our parent company in L.A. 

solicites scripts and provides us with content to manufacture. In fact we 

don't even do any of the rendering, most of our work entails working in C++ 

creating plugins to assist with the rendering process.  Perhaps someone else 

would be better able to assist you with your movie making aspirations.



Good Luck

Jesse



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Dear Jesse,



Thank you for your quick response. I was thinking that a cool phaser effect 

might add a lot. On of my internet friends was showing me a website that 

showed how to do it. It doesn't look too hard.  Let me know what you think. 



(I have also attached and even more awesome script!!!)



Glad to hear you liked the script, let me know when we can get started.



Rob



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Dear Rob,



Once again, a very compelling story. One that I am sure a real producer or 

director might be interested in. Again, I am only a programmer and nothing 

to do with selecting which movies get made. I should caution you that any 

work you send to us is considered to be our sole property, so if you are 

interested in maintaining the rights to your very unique storylines you 

should consider going through some sort of writing agency or something. I 

don't really know, as I have mentioned before, I am really only a programmer.



Good luck getting this made.

Jesse



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Jesse,



Hey! I didn't get to check my email for a long time. I figured I must have 

missed your call. I'm at the library now getting some totally awesome books 

about making movies and special effects. I'm going to get a card for the 

photocopier and make copies of all the cool stuff.



Also, I think I wrote the best script ever!! LOL See attached. 



Rob



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Hey Rob,



I was getting worried when I didn't hear back from you. I was beginning to

think you had lost my email address, and continuing to wonder  how you got 

it in the first place. I don't know why you are continuing to send me scripts, 

though I must say I was beginning to miss the steady stream of attachments. I 

don't think you realize that you are relinquishing ownership of all of the 

scripts by sending them to my work account. If that is not your intention you 

should really stop sending me scripts altogether.



Jesse



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Jesse,



I really can't wait to see these script on the big screen! I have even 

contacted William Shatner about his support (he's my #1 friend on myspace).

So when do you want to get started?



Rob



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Dear Commander Rob,



I have been privileged to review many of your previous emails to my co-worker 

Jesse. In fact these mails were partly responsible for the change in his 

email address and our newly adopted policy of not posting staff email 

addresses to the website. I am impressed that you managed to find my 

address since it has been removed, but I imagine that you were quite 

compelled to find a new address considering Jesse's old one is no 

longer active.



Your scripts are now property of . Please stop sending

us anymore scripts. We are not going to produce them and do not want any

legal issues with any content that may resemble any of your work in the

future.



Thank you for your understanding in this matter



Tod Baudais

Lead Developer 



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Rob,



I once again ask that you STOP SENDING US SCRIPTS. With my recent two

week vacation I was suprised to find over 50 new messages from your

archive of work. You are not talented, we cannot produce your work, and

the amusing nature of your ridiculous scripts has long since worn off.



All future emails from you will be blocked.  Have a nice life, go bother

someone else.



Tod Baudais 



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Hey man,



You are not going to believe this. I guess Rena dropped some mail on 

my desk this morning, I figured it was the new tax credit forms...but 

it was not. I got a whack more scripts from that  Commander Rob!! 

Only this time he actually mailed them to me. I guess he finally gave 

up on email. They are  hilarious too. I feel a bit

sorry for the guy, he clearly just wants to bang chicks from Star Trek. 

Should we be worried that this guy knows where we work?



Anyway, Betty's for lunch again?



Jesse



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Hey,



I am going to be a little behind scheduale on the seq 270 stuff, CF

has screwed up the sub'ds again so I have to wait for them to get

out of the files before I can run the post-processing stuff. Until

then I guess I am browsing slashdot. This sucks.



....and BTW another couple of scripts from CR today. I wish we had

kept count of how many he had sent us.



Jesse 



-----------------------



Hey Tod,



Great idea last night! Coincidentally... I just got off the phone 

with Rob (yes that one!). He wanted to follow up and see if we needed 

any voice talent. HE WANTED TO KNOW IF WE NEEDED VOICE TALENT!!! From 

him!! Dear lord! This stuff used to be funny, how quickly that  

fades. I think you are completely right. We totally need to actually 

make one of his movies, and just totally make him look like an ass. 

The world needs to know about this. Perhaps this will serve as a 

cautionary example.



Why can't this guy take a hint...or a blatent rejection?



Jesse 



-----------------------



Jesse,



Counting the new stack from today....430 in less than 8 months.



Tod Baudais

Lead Developer 



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And the emails keep coming in...

 
   




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